Calling All "Good Guys"
So, STORY TIME! A certain male "friend" of mine, who is constantly posting on his Facebook timeline about how he's one of the "good guys no one notices or appreciates," recently posted this picture: a shot from behind of a female cop whose uniform pants happened to be tight enough to showcase her rather round booty....and the picture was captioned "Bruh, I'm tryna get arrested today." [insert my *eye roll* here] Lady cop's face was not in the picture. It wasn't anything even remotely sexual. It wasn't posed, and no, she wasn't in a "cop costume." This was a candid butt shot...of her in her actual uniform and an actual helmet, doing her actual job. So, she can't even write someone a ticket without getting seen as some sort of sex object? Is this where we're at as a society now? Give. Me. A. Break. I know, I know. Just breathe. No big deal...whatever. Don't be a "femi-nazi." It's supposed to be funny, right? Yeah. It's supposed to be funny. But, is it? I don't think so. See, it's "harmless humor" like that which desensitizes men to the objectification of women's bodies and convinces women that they are destined to be objectified no matter what they do, and therefore deserve nothing better. Being physically attracted to someone and appreciating their beauty is one thing, but dehumanizing them publicly by focusing on their privates, plastering them all over social media, and making inappropriate innuendos is something entirely different. When I called him out on this briefly in a comment underneath the photo, this "friend" of mine proceeded to joke about how he thought it was funny, that he preferred women with big butts, that liking a woman's butt and speaking about it in that way wasn't demeaning, and "if I didn't like his posts, I shouldn't read them." One of his friends (another guy, apparently of similar caliber) chimed in, encouraging him to ignore "those people" [aka, me] who tried to make a "whole big deal out of little sh**"
My friend decided to take the guy's advice, apparently. When I shared my thoughts with him in a private message, he didn't like what I had to say. So much so that he (admittedly, by my own prompting) went with the ever-noble option of "unfriending" me. All I had to say to that was good riddance.
Come on now, he's supposed to be one of the "good guys," right? Wait, seriously??? I'm thinking that he and I have very different definitions as to what a good guy really is. Hmmm...perhaps it's time we laid that out a little, you know, to avoid further confusion. So, this is a message for all those "good guys" out there. Men, listen up: I'm well aware of the preferences of men. I am aware that men are visual creatures, and that God wired them that way. I know that fact can be both a blessing and a difficult thing to control. However, I'm also aware of the excuses men will give to not uphold a higher standard for themselves in how they speak to and about women - how they treat women in every aspect...even "harmless," "funny" posts on Facebook.
Despite those excuses being a reality, women most certainly don't deserve them, nor do they want them. I think you men know that quite well. So, as much as you are entitled to say and post whatever you want, I am just as entitied to call you out on it. You say you're a "gentleman," but that goes way past holding doors and giving compliments. You can do better, and if you are really looking for "real love" as much as you claim...you're gonna have to figure out how. Because the kind of woman you really want to love forever doesn't deserve that crap. No woman does. You say you want a deep, meaningful relationship because you're a "good guy" that is interested in more than just sex. You say you want to find that real, genuine love that you bring home to meet your momma and then marry one day. Of course you do. You're one of the "good guys." But you know what, if you think it's acceptable to let this sort of behavior go unnoticed...if you're willing to let Facebook pictures and comments like that slide because your bros are your bros....then you are not really one of the "good guys." Too many people stay silent about things that seem "so small" or "of no real concern." And that is the very reason why women struggle to know the respect they deserve - and why men struggle to know how to show it to us. Men lose their sense of honor, and women lose their self-respect. Everyone loses. This is a no-win game. Social media is a powerful outlet, and you speak a message about your values and thoughts with everything you post. You may not think so, but what you say matters. You men of character, have an opportunity to break the cycle of disrespected women and dishonored men. It is your decision to take it or not, but the choice you make about that communicates your character (or lack thereof) to the world, so perhaps you should choose wisely. Maybe you really do think you're a "good guy"...or you at very least you want to be a one. Well, being a "good guy" requires more from you. If you're not willing to put forth that effort, then sorry, friend - you're not truly a good guy. If you ARE a good guy, you're making yourself known by the choices you make every day. Even in the "little things" that don't seem to matter to anyone else. Don't settle and set your bar at "well, at least I don't say _____ to women" or "at least I don't do ____ to women." MAN UP and set that bar high for yourself. I get it, it's scary. To stand up to an entire society that has said it's okay for you to use women like old newspaper and it's okay for women to just sleep with everyone and pretend they don't feel anything...that takes courage. It takes guts. And it won't be easy, but it'll be worth it. Why? Because, once you do that, you will attract the "real lady" you so often pine for. Once you do that, she won't be able to resist you. Because the lady you really want is looking for a truly good guy - and she has the standards to wait for one. She's not gonna settle for less that she deserves. Should she? Nope. And she won't. So if you want to meet her, you're gonna have to start getting your priorities in order. Like, now. Let me leave you with this, budding "good guys" of the world. You do have the ability to be an honorable man. You can be a positive influence on the men around you. You know what the right choice is here. Now, make it or not. But know that no matter which you choose, your choice lets the world know exactly what kind of man you are...and it let's the woman you want to be with know exactly what kind of man you are. Do you know what kind of man you are? Find out. Raise the bar. Reach for it. Don't accept "less than" behavior. Make that right choice. Make yourself known. We're waiting for you. Sincerely, - The good women of the world
"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." - Plato